If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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