so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
