She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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