I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
