"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
