I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
