So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
