Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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