your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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