I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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