You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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