I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
