I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
