I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
