just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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