I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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