I wish I could teleport
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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