my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
