Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

He could be your dad!

(206): View more from Washington

We discussed that right before he asked for my number

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(415): View more from California

I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny

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(207): View more from Maine

A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.

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(518): View more from New York

my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks

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(815): View more from Illinois

you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".

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(314): View more from Missouri

I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.

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(541): View more from Oregon

He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came

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(727): View more from Florida

His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.

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