your parents love me but you hate me
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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