Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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