____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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