he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
