He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
