do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
