He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
