we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
