I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
