I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
