all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Alive.
So much puke
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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