Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
