My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
