So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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