I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
