Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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