May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
