I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
