I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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