I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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