I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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