I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Why did my mother make you get naked?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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