my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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