Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please don't give away my fajitas
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
