I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
