WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
