Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
