Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
