the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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