watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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