I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
